EMO-ED!
i just cannot take it once again and decided to pen it down.

to you know who:
sorry to ue. i know this word 'sorry' has empty meaning. i use it over and over again and im still using it. but wat other word cann i use to express my apologies. i really am sorry for making the people i love sad or angry. i feel guilty about that. very very guilty. i even go to the extreme to make myself stop making your sad or angry. why dunch i stfu next time and put on a fake smile. i rather hurt myself BADLY then make ue sad or angry. i rather die then make ue sad or angry. i rather suffer alone. please dunch be sad or angry anymore. i really cannot take it. i know my wrong. i really know it. just know that im TRUELY deeply sorry for everything. im really bad at controlling my emotions.. sometimes i dunch even know what made me sad. i swear. it just flows by and i instantly become sad. i really dunchknow what explaination i give ue than ue are satisfied. i dunch expect for your forgiveness. just know that im sorry. just know that i regret doing all this crap of mood swings.im really and sorrowfully sorry.

my prayer to God:
oh God, really lead me to see the bigger picture. help me to see all my faults. i pray that i will be able to change this negative point of me. i really hate making people angry or sad, especially people i love. do i have to tear buckets before i see the light? i dunchwann to, ill spend my time in prayer. you are my only source of comfort, a God that would forever be there when im in need. please help me to see the bigger picture. Amen.

i wonder if i cann brighten myself up. (: i hope i cann (: i dunchwanna live in a hurtful world once again. the confidence has disappeared again. im once again hurt.

sorry for everything....

o1 DECEMBER o9
the world is ending for me. blaming myself for every minor things. so sorry! oh God, i pray for your guidance! lead me into your kingdom! i cannot take der pressure anymore.

so sorry!

is it my fault entirely, enlighten me. my mind is twirling in circles, entangling every part together! HELP! God, i call out to ue!

time to revive my dead blog. but i think it will be dead after this again. just kinda feeling bored so im blogging for fun, though i have nth to blog about. hahas.

just came bk from my aunt's house. luckily she is okay. she just got discharged from the hospital, but when she reached home, they discovered she have gout. she is so poor thing. my niece is another cute one. she have tonnes of energy, kept running round and round, jumping up and down, screaming here and there and she is still not tired. mysteries of the hyper jennifer lynn. extract her genes one day to see. so when melissa left alr, i had to play with her. just 15min of me playing with her, im dead exhausted already. i wonder how cann her mum take care of her. but she is damn cute luh. :DDD and she looks lyk me! woah! - awaiting the next family gathering. :DD

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the main purpose of blogging is to write my unable emotions down.

i guess im just afraid of r/s alr.. guys made me lose my trust in them. im even unsure of which guys are good and which are bad. that makes me come up with the '3years no r/s' crap. but i guess im seriously gonna stick with it til i can differentiate the good and the bad. emo-eddd. i lost my trust in all! please find me some self-confidence! or give it to me during christmas! :D status:crush on someone, but do not trust him.

17OCTOBERRRRR2oo9!
back from shanghai ler. kinda sad becos i miss deh weather there! singapore is so effing hot! i feel lyk melting. =x but anyways, happy deepavali to all indians out there! (=

anyways, china cannot access to facebook and blogger so i couldnt post or blog anything.

ill just post der interesting things that take place. well, the most interesting is still der shopping! =x we went to nanjing road, quite a long stretch of shopping but not that cheap. but i still bought a hoodie for 69yuan and a sleeveless uniqlo shirt for 59yuan. kinda cheap. rare to find sleeveless shirts. cos its autumn. we also went to cheng huang miao, damn crowded area. bought snack from there, quite cheap. and a shirt and a belt for 96yuan altgt becos they had sales. so der things were kinda cheap actually. all less than 20 sgd.

for sightseeing, we went to der oriental pearl tv tower. nice view of shanghai. then stepped on the glass panel, could see the bottom from it. damn cool! then we went on a huangpu river cruise ride at night. the view was spectacular. damn nice. very breezy and cold too. went for a acrobatic show too.

as for the uni trip, suzhou industrial park, the students were damn friendly and cute! so i dunch mind being posted to that school, although its kinda broken down. as for fudan uni, i dunchwanna go there! the toilets were lyk, drainage lyk that. cubicles plus a stetch on drain-like thingy. so yuckky! der factory, i dunchwann talk about it. its boring =x

after all those, im back at singapore. i miss der people, funny, cute and active people! (: i had a fun time! apart from those uni and factory visits. =x loves! see ue all in nyp soon! =p

vanessa
171oo9

ps. photos, next time. i didnt bring camera. only got photos off my lousy handphone camera. (= bye~

tenTENoNINE!
firstly! i super duper BIG congrats to sharlyn and ivan on getting married! may your life start a brand new beginning and be happy wedded always!! (=

today went to der wedding venue at 9.30. so i left friends hse at 8.15.. so early.. it is at some civil service/servant club.. not sure which. the sound of it sounds weird right?? but! the place is SUPER nice! it is lyk safra. sharlyn was super chio, naturally or with makeup. im super envious of her! her figure is nice so she fits perfectly into those gowns and wedding dress. keep staring at her. damn chio! and her husband... not bad luh. he seems to have strong leadership power and very matured. and one thing, his cousin is mark lee. so the face abit the same.. LOL. as in the texture. but they are very compatible together! we flipped through the wedding albums. she really resembles an actress or a model. super photogenic too! enviousssss....! =x woah, and strikeforce became strikeforce dance crew already. der MJ people! they danced beat it ytd. and neo looked superlyk MJ, people were even pointing at him saying 'MJ MJ'.. MJ is back to live for one day! LOL. but hais, neo! we will miss ue! must come back visit us ><

actually cann say we are super fortunate to attend luh. because everyone is seniors. only us 4 are juniors. thanks to the opportunity of playing drums at the wedding. we only had a days time to practice. plus im not even sure of hot summer. so at the wedding, i kinda screw up.. but better than ck zone der. the drums keep knocking against my knees. now blue-black ler. anyways, the lunch was delicious. woooo~ and pastor kong was there for our performance! :DDDDD!

after the event, went to ngee ann poly for priya's performance. i actually slept luh. cos i dunch understand anything. its all in indian. priya came up on the stage, and she danced well. but sorry that we didnt stay through.. cannot tahan already. LOL! so we all went to amk after that and eat our dinner. once again, lyk the center of attraction! =x

1o1oo9

o91oo9! FRIDAYYYYY! :DDD
anyone actually believe it! im back to studying! miraculously right! but studying secondary school stuff. POA >< i actually forgot everything! except for abit of trading, profit and loss account and cash book! chiminology... actually studying becos i needa teach bestfriends olevel. so needa recap. think i so guai mehhs. siao eh! HAHAS!

so ytd was doing trading, profit and loss account and guess wat, i went totally blurr and unsure of wat to do next. so i took about 45 minutes and still, haven completed it. =.= im dead!

o8OCTOBERRRRRo9!
Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na (x4)

When I say jump, you say how high
I ain’t never seen nobody, how they get so high
Like a bird, like a plane, this party got me insane
This party got me insane, so jump jump jump jump!

woah! damn addicted to this song. the whole day this song was stuck in my mind!
its FLO-RIDA - JUMP!

but anyways, just came back from the hospital becos my auntie almost fainted. she went to my cousin's house for dinner with my other aunt and family. so my cousin bought crab, pasta, steak etc etc. but my aunt is the type where she cannot eat much. however, seeing how much yummy dishes there are... guess wat? she went to eat alot.. oh! plus there was ice cream.. so she ate more. then after leaving the house and walking towards the lift.. suddenly she squatted then sat down on the staircase, while holding the railings. my other aunt, being panicky, when to call my cousin out and she went there to see wat happen. my aunt was 'shivering' and irresponsive. she couldnt talk anymore and was about to faint. so they called the ambulance and rushed to tan tock seng hospital. shortly after, my uncle called me and explain wat happened so me and my father got ready to go to the hospital. but she is okay.. just low blood pressure. being warded and put to more test. so yeah! luckily! thank God! (=

my uncle also another cartoon one. at the hospital, suddenly his ears were damn itchy. so he was saying 'ehh.. anyone got pin or something sharp'.. then i looked at him and asked him 'why do ue need it?' he replied ' my ear itchy luh.. need to scratch it using the pin' wapiang eh.. i was lyk 'eeew, then i dunchwanna lend ue my pin ( cos i was wearing it )' he was lyk ' please luh.. very itchy. lend only..then i return ue' =.= its lyk so dirty cann! then i ignore him and he kept begging me. finally my aunt gave up and said ' i cut some paper and roll up for ue and ue cann use it to scratch your ears' then he became so satisfied already... =.=

vanessa
o81oo9!!